Aaaaaaaaaaaargh

You pretend to be alive. You pretend to be together. But its hard to pick up the pieces as you constantly fall apart. Sometimes you just cant stand up, you can only fall down. All you can do is close your eyes and pray that this day, just one day, will pass. Is it all in the moment or just moments before you get left behind to lose every race and every battle. When you know it cant be, its over,  and you cant help but want to say goodbye to this never ending torture….forever. 

The Good and the Bad......Film

Do we have the right to personally categorise mass entertainment? Let me put it in another way, can I label a film as good or bad? The question came up during a conversation about a truly (in my opinion) horrendous movie. The other participant in the conversation protested, like a Kejriwal camp-mate, against my views. His point was that several people he knew were singing its praises so I had no right to vehemently criticise it.

That would probably mean that there is no such thing as a good film or a bad one and everything should be judged on the box-office performance. Well, all I would like to add to that is that it’s easy to realise how ridiculous this method is even before the film Cocktail crops up in your mind. No I don’t believe that if it is successful it’s got to be great. So what was the guy trying to imply, that I had no right to label?

Now come on, the fact is opinions differ but it’s not a crime to have a point of view and a perception. We are afterall a product of our environment n experiences and some experiences just don’t excite me, and I make up my mind even before I have experienced them (the thrill of a psychopathic murder or watching Ram Gopal Verma ki AAG come to mind).

 I know life, cinema and art are all unpredictable and have a different effect on everybody. But my opinion, or anybody else’s for that matter, is more about themselves. I know what I want most times and like most of us I know what I don’t want better and that for all of us constitutes as good or bad. Yes, I do believe it is important at times to keep an open mind, especially when you are attending a photography exhibit, which here I would only like to term as ‘artistic’ (let your imagination run wild). it’s just that it’s not ok if your mind is so open that your brains fall out, and you get swindled with cheap trash!!

Still....

There is scene in Jackie Chan's The Karate Kid where Michele Yeoh makes a snake mirror her moves. She achieves this by making her mind absolutely still. Its a skill I would love to learn and no not to make a snake dance to my tunes.If I was a snake charmer and my brain the snake I would simply give up in exasperation. 


Don't get me wrong, the problem I am referring to is not focus. Oh I can focus alright, the rest of the world may seem a blur when I am concentrating on something. And none of this refers to being scatterbrained, which I am not. I manage my affairs just fine thank you. Its just about those idle moments when my mind is never at peace.



When idle, my mind is a constant warzone with ideas, feelings and thoughts constantly bombarding. If it isn't this, its that and there and then. It exhausting to be  in this sort of a place for a large part of your waking hours...to be constantly pulled up on diverse subjects. To have constant thoughts and queries in the sort of carpet bombing that was an awful truth of the Afgan conflict.


I love to learn and know more about the world but sometimes the questions and queries just don't stop. And the thoughts range from Chinese communism...to the economic slowdown....to who won the advertising gold...to do Indian athletes stand a chance of gold at London....to what games is Sharad Pawar playing....to my friend who is going through something and what our generation has lost in comparison to the previous one..to what drove Julia Child..to what my family is doing. They are all great topics to think about, just not all at the same time.


Yet, they come in droves with my curiosity always driving me too fast for me to enjoy the view. Growth is one thing and an inability to mentally relax is another.


Years ago I was reading a confessional of a Tennis player in Readers Digest and he said one of the best advice he got was to shut up the voice in his head. I would love to do the same....be less mentally exhausted....just don't know how.

Where Are You

Do you wake up some of these days and wonder where you are?

Do you look back sometimes and wonder how you got here?

Does life sometimes make no sense?

Today is one of those days for me

Blah......

"Are you out of your confused state? Yes, its you I am talking to. Has it not been too long? Have we not had enough?"

Dear Friends,
This is a two part problem. But it can be defeated.
Sometimes we are so consumed by things around us, that we forget to look within. The problem is simple - lack of self control aka DISCIPLINE.

Secondly,we expect too much; from life and ourselves. Where is the space to be human? Greatness and nothing less will do. But every destination needs a journey. And when one is too afraid of failure and ridicule, even shuffling our feet seems too hard. You are so scared that if every one of your strokes does not make Piccaso gasp, it is not worth it. This is sheer mental enslavement.
The key to life is to realise that there is always more to it. So jump headlong into a lifelong journey of discovery, unafraid and uninhibited.
Cheers,
Ava

Here Comes the Maharaja

Stand up ladies and gentleman and acknowledge an unprecedented event in cricket history.........the victory of grit, perseverance and talent over public humiliation and ridicule. Is it mere coincidence that both 'guts' and 'Ganguly' begin with the same letter? Sometimes a love for the game conquers all. There is a lesson in this for all of us, reiterated by Dhoni - Focus - through the pain and the sorrow, the bruised ego. Just focus and the haziness shall dissolves into a clearer bigger picture.

ATTACKED!!

Shock and anger were the two most common emotions Indians felt as terrorists put Mumbai under siege.It was as if the final frontier of home security was shelled down. We were citizens of this nation, now we are refugees.

Stay away from autos, they could be the next target. Don’t go to five star hotels, don’t you know what happened in Mumbai? Don’t go to crowded markets, the bargains may turn out to be too expensive. Don’t head for temples, you may get a direct ticket to heaven. Stay at home and hope no gun-totting terrorist group chooses on it as their base.

The fear hanging in the air makes it difficult to even do something like khuli hawa mein saans lena. Afterall that is what some victims were doing before they were ripped apart in the Central Park blast.

Ofcourse this also gives way to a new sort of boldness. If you cannot be safe anywhere, why bother?

Everyone has got an opinion on how these things can be avoided. Beef up security. Make checks stricter. More CCTV’s. More policemen on the road.

Practical solutions. But despite it all who will win this war?

Not us.

Yes, you read that right.

Not us.

Our countrymen have been killed, national property destroyed, terror spread. But bigger plagues have been unleashed. Innocence, faith and trust have been sacrificed.

The seeds of mistrust, paranoia and cynicism have been sown and society stands to change for ever.

So despite our greatest efforts, we will always remain victims. The light at the end of the tunnel will only be that of a lit bomb fuse. No matter how well we prepare, we can only win the battles. Because we have already lost the war.

Sourav We Will Miss Ya…

Ganguly's greatest gift to Indian cricket was self-belief. The same force drives the legend himself.

Indian cricket just lost its greatest posterboy. Yuvraj may have the looks and, Dhoni the charisma, but it was Ganguly who had the spunk that inspired their generation. Forget the shirt swinging, the attitude, the aggression, just recall the passion that swept us along. The passion that made us believe that we could win. The passion that ultimately did lead us to many unbelievable victories.

His is not a fairytale success story and, that is what makes it more fascinating. Born with a platinum spoon in his mouth, he may have been spared a few struggles in his life, but when it came to cricket, despite talent he really had to sweat, to keep his wicket.

There is the oft repeated tale of Mr. Snooty's one-day debut in 92. And so he was dropped like a hot potato. Dismayed but not defeated, he persevered in a situation of an ice-cube's chance in hell. And either the universe conspired or God just took pity on him and, gave what his heart so longingly desired. Test debut at Lords in 96 with a sparkling century began his new innings in Indian cricket.

Sourav at that time seemed like a shy, reticent youngster. His fires were at best limited to his strokes. The mere suggestion that this guy would one day be swinging his shirt at Lords seemed completely implausible.

Perhaps it had something to do with him shaving off his moustache but, things began to change. Ganguly began to find a polite yet strong voice. Indian cricket though moved in the opposite direction. When he was named Captain, it was in shambles. Yet he was gung ho about inheriting what many called a Crown of Thorns. And there was no show of surprise or false modesty, he had expected it and, despite the current situation, he still felt it was an honour and matter of great pride.

No wonder he didn't let us down. It was an easy situation to falter in and yet emerge unscathed. But if it could not be done, Ganguly made sure it happened. He fought on. Infact he fought so hard that it gave him an aggressive image that overshadowed his intelligence and foresight. But he refused to care. Some people only play to win and, as the victories started pouring in, he did.

As Sourav famously said, he was the most hated Captain and, as he perhaps never realized, also the most loved. Everyone had an opinion on him, he just refused to be left in the shade. He raised the bar so high, that in the end even he, himself could not touch it.

Nothing lasts forever, the cycle of birth, death and rebirth continues. After what seemed like the end he rose again. That is classic Ganguly, he just never gives up till life just has to concede. Today he may have moved on from cricket but, for his fans (one of whom is writing this) International cricket can never move away from him.